I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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