I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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