i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
as a side note pls kill me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
