I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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