Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
These tits shall not be calmed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
