It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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