proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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