When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize