i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She announced her abortion via fbk
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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