Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
