I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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