We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
