just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
