i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize