hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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