When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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