She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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