They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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