we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
