you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
