her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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