When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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