I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
