You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
