Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
