I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
