I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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