you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Found your dick twin last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
