Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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