this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
did i walk over a car last night?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
