Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
