I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
