You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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