I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
