Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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