Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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