I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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