grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
