I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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