All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
