In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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