I'm so fucking centered right now
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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