His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
