I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
