STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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