did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
