I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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