so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
