def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
