I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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