Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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