you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
