I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
