apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
