And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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