her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
