ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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