I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
