What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
