Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize