nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
