she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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