i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
