I think I died a long time ago.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
