u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
