batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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