you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
