look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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