oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
