I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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