dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
