can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There was a lot of him and a little penis
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
