Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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