god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
