Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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