Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm at about main and main street
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
