Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
