i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
