I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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