Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
