btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
