you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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