can we get nightvision for the apartment?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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