she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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