Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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